After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
