its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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