Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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