I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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