Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
