I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
