Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
