I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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