my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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