She's JV to your varsity
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
