had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
