I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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