i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
there is glitter all over my balls
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
