What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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