we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
