I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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