At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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