I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
