quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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