I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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