y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
