after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
