After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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