My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
