Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
