Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
