I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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