Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
