Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
