Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
