by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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