Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
