I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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