the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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