I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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