Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do herpes really smell.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
