i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
