I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
