So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
