how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
