Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She is in my trunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
