dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
