it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
