Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
