What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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