Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
