that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
