the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
