He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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