Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
