im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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