WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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