you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
