Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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