Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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