She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
